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Hello? Hi? I think I’m alive…?

It’s almost been three months since my last post on here! Wow, I think that’s the longest ever I’ve gone without blogging! So how have we all been?! Firstly I should say sorry. Yes I did take a break because I had exams and yes, they are important but I guess my break was younger than it should have been. It’s only up until recently I felt really bad about not posting anything because come on, this blog is kind of like my baby. In that metaphorical sense of course.

I was just reading over my last blog post and I don’t know what to say really apart from that I’ve been more happier now than I was 2/3 months ago and that’s due partly because of the amazing support I’ve had from my family and friends for helping me move on from my aunt’s death and just taking time out for myself. I also noticed that I mentioned something about the SaLT situation but instead of writing about it on this post, I thought I’d write a whole post about that. So what’s new you say? Well, tomorrow I have my driving theory test which I’m nervous for because I don’t think I’ve been revising as much as I should. I’m sure I’d find it a lot easier if I did the revision whilst taking driving lessons WHICH I tried to explain to my parents but for some reason, they were so dead set on me taking the theory first. But whatever, I’m still going to have to take that theory test some day right? As well as the theory test, I have just booked my first driving lesson for next week! Boo yah! I’m really excited about it and my instructor seemed nice (over the phone harharhar). The other day, my dad was teaching me the clutch/accelerator/brake/changing gears and it was really funny seeing him work the sofa as a car! But to be fair, I’ve been doing the same for a few days now. Another thing next up on the calendar is results day! Ugh, the dreaded results day!

On one hand, I’m so eager to know what I got but on the other hand, I’m so scared. I know I’ve revised and I just want that hard work to be worth it by going to Herts! I really really really want to go there >~< I think I should stop talking about this now or otherwise I’ll just go on and on. But I really want to go guys! So much!

As for my brother… thankfully, he’s improving. Speech wise and I’m so grateful for this, he’s been babbling a lot more. And I’m hoping the more he babbles, the more he’ll do it and eventually he might actually say something. My parents keep telling everyone that he only babbles/reacts whenever I talk to him. In a way, I’m happy because I feel so honoured and great that whatever I’m doing seems to have an affect on him but at the same time, I want the same for my parents. I mean, why me? Not that I don’t like it but they’ve been doing what I’ve been doing yet he reacts to me more? I don’t know, sometimes I wish I was microscopic so I can jump into his ear and see how his brain works. Another new habit my brother seemed to pick up in slamming doors. I don’t know where he picked this up from but he keeps slamming the door whenever he enters the living room or another room. It’s quite cute and funny actually.

There’s actually one other thing that’s happened since the time I’ve been away from this blog though I think I’m not going to mention it here but rather in another blog post.

I think I’ll end it here because I really need to revise for this theory test tomorrow but the posts will be back so stay tuned. Oh and before I leave, I want to say thank you for all the support. Each like or each comment I get is a huge confidence booster and I’m not that confident myself. It also motivates me to try and help my parents as much as I can, and help my brother too in becoming the best that he can be.

So thank you. I really appreciate it.

Oh I just remembered!

Happy 1 and a month (?) blirthday- YES BLIRTHDAY to this blog!

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Boy Vs Dinner and the power of ‘NO’

I’d thought I’d update seeing as though it’s been nearly over two months. And boy did a lot happen in two months. They’d have to be one of the most challenging two months of my life what with the loss of my aunt whilst trying to keep on top of revision, coursework and exams. Oh and not to mention sorting out my brother’s speech therapy¬†referral. I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed with them but that’s a completely different matter.

Challenging is the best word to describe these past two months. The only motivation that I have is the fact that it’ll all finish in three weeks. From June 5th, I’ll be free of any form of college works whatsoever. And then the anxious wait for my A Level grades will begin! Other than that, I really haven’t been up to much.

In actual fact, I should be revising now but I thought I’d take the time and blog something and here I am! Firstly, you’ll notice that I’ve changed the layout. I was pretty bored of the old one and wanted something that was new, free and well awesome. And I’ve found it! BWAHAHA! My brother on the other hand, has been up to a lot. Kind of.

Well, we’ve learnt that he’s an awesome swimmer as told by one of the teachers in his school. He still uses armbands but apparently, he’s taught himself how to float on his back which is really really really great. And with one of those long floaty things. You know, the ones that look like a sausage? He’s also becoming quite the artist. He doesn’t really do much hands on arts and craft but he did a really cute hand printed picture and I really love it! I love all the colours and the uh.. movement of the strokes? It’s currently hanging on the back of my bedroom door and I practically smile every day just looking at it. Though suffice to say, he hasn’t really painted anything since.

You can see his artwork by clicking on the link ūüôā :

https://twitter.com/AutismAndTheSib/status/334701467871084545/photo/1

During the period when my aunt was still alive but really ill, my parents went back and forth to visit her. On the day she passed away, they went immediately but I told my mum to leave my brother behind because he wouldn’t like the atmosphere there so she did. It was the first time in my life where I took on a temporary sole caring role and I was nervous. I was nervous because what if he realised my mum wasn’t at home and cried? Or what if he threw a tantrum and I couldn’t calm him down? I had all these worries in my head but I made sure that whatever happened during the time they were away, it was my job to make sure my brother was happy and content. Yes, my other siblings were at home too but they were getting on with the own stuff.

Surprisingly, my brother was sound. He didn’t cry, he didn’t throw a tantrum. I was able to feed his snacks without any difficulties. We played together for a bit, a few cuddles then he went off to escape into his own little world. Though, the biggest obstacle was yet to come. Dinner time.

I don’t know but on most occasions, dinner time seems to be a challenge. On some days yes, he’ll eat his dinner but on other days, my mum would struggle to feed him because he simply doesn’t want it. My brothers always been very picky with his food and it is difficult to feed him. Before my mum left, she did give me a list of alternatives in case he didn’t eat his dinner. Sucking it up, I went to prepare his dinner. Being asian, rice and curry is what we tend to have on most days for dinner. Even my brother. But we do¬†incorporate¬†protein and veggies just so it’s healthier than some curries which is filled with just oil and other not so healthy curry making necessities o-o

So I mashed up the rice because my brother doesn’t really like chewing a lot. I mean he chews but he doesn’t like it. Then I added chicken and some veggies and mashed the whole thing before heating it up and serving it to him. Then, the time came. And bam, he refused to have the first spoonful. My heart was crushed and my brain was in full panic mode. Just what exactly was I supposed to do now? I remembered my mum gave me a list of alternatives but frankly, that went out the window since I was panicking alot. Then something popped into my head. Sometimes when my mum feeds my brother, she usually gets his interactive book out and gives it to him and then he eats his dinner whilst playing it. So, I thought I’d do that.

I got the book out and gave it to him, and readied the first spoonful. But he still refused to have it. I don’t know what happened after since it was all a blur but I’m pretty sure that I was close to having a full on panic attack or something of that sort. But I remember just taking the book from him and going into the kitchen. Naturally, my brother started whimpering and followed me into the kitchen wanting his book back but I was firm and said ‘No,’. I put the book somewhere so he couldn’t reach it and refused to give it to him.

After like 5- 10 minutes or so, I took the book into my hands and went back to the living room, where he sat in his seat, looking at the book in my hands. The first thing I did was ready a spoonful, I looked at him and began to move the spoon closer to his mouth as well as the book, closer onto his lap. Once he took the first spoonful and the book was in his hands, a wave of relief overwhelmed me. SUCCESS! I FED MY BROTHER! I overcame the obstacle of him not eating and in a way, I think I taught him that if he didn’t eat his dinner, then he wasn’t going to get his book. I even managed to finish feeding him! Straight after, I remember feeling really happy and confident, overcoming the biggest obstacle of the day and found even more confidence when I got him to sleep right away on his bed.

Honestly, part of me thinks that I got lucky whilst the other part of me thinks that I can do it again. Frankly, I don’t know what to believe!

One of the newest developments had to be my brother attempting to say the word ‘No’. It’s not very clear but instead he says ‘NNAAAAAH!’. But we think it’s the same thing. For instance, when he’s at home and he refuses to eat he says ‘NAAAHHH’ with a serious expression on his face to match. Or when he gives us the channel changer to put it on a channel he wants to watch and we put it on the wrong one, he says it again but a bit more upset. Sometimes, he’d say it with anger. But it’s awesome to see him using a word, even though it’s not clear to let us know that that’s not how he wants things done!

Sadly as of right now, my brother is ill. He’s been ill with¬†diarrhea¬†for three days! He’s even been throwing up everyday during those three days in the morning and he refuses to eat anything. Poor baby Q~Q I hope he gets well soon!

Referring back to my last post, I said I wanted to expand this project and I had all these ideas, one of them being creating a Youtube page and posting up a video on what this project is about. Right now, it’s on hold since I have exams but I will get back to it. I’ve also been thinking of posting up videos of my brother and his crazy wild antics and thought that would be pretty cool (:

Anyway, I shall sign off here and hopefully, I’ll talk to you all soon!