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Here’s the sitch.

(Note the Kim Possible reference. No? Ok then, moving on…)

So I’m in two minds. Well not really, I just thought I’d write that down so I know where to start or at least have something written down. Hahaha, I feel like a nervous wreck! Moving on.

‘Autism and the Teen Sibling’ started off as a blog (as you can clearly see), but then it formed into an idea for a project which you can read about here: http://www.junction49.co.uk/idea/3102/autism_and_the_teen_sibling/

I officially posted this idea on Junction49 on the 5th of August last year and since then, I’ve been doing a few bits and bobs- running this blog, Facebook page and Twitter page as well as logo and other such. And that’s all I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying to get word out and get people involved, perhaps post a blog entry and there have been people who’ve been interested but haven’t replied back. I feel like it’s time I started doing something for this project that may spark interest or ideally, I just want to give it that big push!

I feel like this project could benefit a lot of young people, siblings with autism or not: to create a community where they won’t feel alienated or lost and perhaps learn from each other. Please don’t laugh at me but I had a dream that this expanded and perhaps we could have like a ‘club’ set up in a few towns and people can come in and we’d socialise and do things together. It’s a pretty cool idea but right now, its too far away.

Other ideas included: wristbands, a book for teens by teens, website, a video, a medium educating young people about Autism perhaps aimed at siblings or teenagers, create a platform where if they need someone to talk to, we’re here.

I feel the need to apply for funding but I obviously can’t do that as I don’t have a solid idea as to what I want to do!

GAH SOOO MANY THINGS! But, I really do want to do something and for now, I may just play around with a few ideas until I get A Levels out of the way. But I would appreciate any ideas or comments that you guys may have. Here’s a thought, why not check out our Facebook page? 😀

https://www.facebook.com/AutismAndTheTeenSibling

 

But looks like I have a lot of planning to do!

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Mum, Mummy, Mother.

Judging by the title, this post is going to be dedicated to my mother, someone who up until recently became someone I truly cherished.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never actually hated her. Just your typical mother daughter arguments which we’ve had in the past which made me hate her and the world, but that’s just typical right? Back then, I thought my mum was  my mortal enemy, out to get me and keeping me away from all the fun but in actual fact, she was doing what mothers are supposed to do. To provide love, protection and reasoning.

They say when you give birth to your first child, your whole world changes. Everything. The birth of my first sibling changed her. She became a mother, but it wasn’t to last. I can’t even begin to imagine how heart breaking it was for my mum to lose her first child. You look forward to everything that gets thrown at you when you’re a mother but it wasn’t fair. No one predicted death to come along. In a way, I was glad I wasn’t there to witness the state of my mum at the time because if I were to witness it, I don’t think I would be able to handle it.

Around the time I was 14, me an my mum clashed a lot and as I said earlier, I thought she was out to get me. But it was just natural. My 18th birthday made me realise just how much my mum loved me. Even though this sparked an emotional response, it wasn’t about the gift but more of the thought that went in it. Since I was 13, I was harping to my parents about wanting a gold necklace with my name on it. My mum always said that it was expensive (indian gold) to which I understood so I wasn’t at all disappointed when I didn’t end up getting it as a present on my 14th birthday. I didn’t really ask for anything the next few years, I did mention the necklace but I knew it was something that I will definitely wait for especially since 4 years later, we were currently having a bit of trouble financially. My dad sold his business because of the recession and was and is still looking to open another so we were being really careful with money. My 18th birthday was approaching and in all honesty, I just wanted the Hunger Games DVD and a few bits and bobs, that’s it.

After a great day out with my friends, we went back round to my house only to be surprised by my family who threw me a surprise party. All I remember when I entered was party poppers being blown up in front of my face and balloons everywhere. A couple of photos later, it was gift giving time. And I think the first present was in fact, the gold necklace with my name on it. Something I once craved for and completely forgot about 4 years later. I mean, I was delighted to receive it.

“Oh my gosh I’m gonna cry,”

That was the first thing I said when I saw it. Usually when I say that, I don’t cry. At all. I’ve actually never cried tears of happiness ever, in my life. But that all changed on my birthday. The minute I said those words, I cried. First time in my life I cried in front of my friends. First time in my life I cried in front of my whole family. And it was the first time in my life because I was so happy. Sure, I the gift was awesome but it was the fact that she remembered. And the fact that during the times where we were being so careful with money, she splurged out on my gift and got be the necklace. It was then, and during a phone conversation which I overheard my mum talking to my aunt saying that she would go to the ends of the earth to give me and my siblings what I wanted.

My mum would do anything for her children, anything. I cried out of happiness and I cried because of guilt too. But it made me realise just how much my mum loved me, how much she would do for me, and how much she far she would go to support my dreams. Not just for me but for my mother siblings too. My mum would be willing to spend however much amount of money or time to make sure my younger brother gets the therapy or help he deserves. In actual fact, my mum fought to have my brother considering he was over a week late. My mum, so strong and so courageous.

Looking back, I feel so guilty for even thinking my mum never loved me, basing on my younger self tantrums. My mum’s loss made her stronger and more determined to protect her children and to support them. If I could go back in time, I wish I could tell her that I loved her more often but I can’t. I can’t change the past but the only think I can do is tell her that I love her everyday from now on, and do little things to show that I do appreciate her.

I know my mum depends on me a lot now. For advice on what to do as well as emotional support when it comes to my brother. When I look back to the day when the doctor told my mother and me that my brother had Autism, I remember her just breaking down, crying and me wanting to cry but didn’t. I had to be strong. And I’m going to continue to be strong. Not just for her, but for my whole family. I want to make sure that there is always hope, and make sure her hope doesn’t get diminished.

You never truly realise just how much you love you’re mum until she’s placed in a dangerous situation. I still remember the swine flu epidemic back in 2009 and how my mum just fell really ill. I remember coming home from school and her temperature was so high, that  if it was still staying at that high, she would have to go to hospital. I still remember seeing her in my parents room, with a wet towel on her head and her telling me this. And just like that, I broke down into tears, drops falling down on her and my mum telling me not to cry and everything would be fine. It was the first time in my life where I cried for my mum. I so upset, I thought I would lose her there and then but thank goodness I didn’t. And this was just swine flu. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I would be if it was something much worse.

As I take these few baby steps into adult hood, I begin to realise just how precious mothers are. Without them, there would be no life. Without them, there would be no love. No one to care for us. And no one to tell us that we look beautiful even though we feel completely crap about ourselves and about our weight. But that’s just me.

I love my mum with all my heart. And I only pray and hope that I can be a mother like her to my own kids in the future. If I can be as half as good as she is, then I’ll be happy.

Happy Mother’s Day x

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Liebster Blog Awards

A few days ago, my blog had been tagged by the very awesome aspertypical for the Liebster Blog Awards. Thank you so much! The Liebster award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than  200 followers!

There are a few rules to this though and that is:

1. Give 11 random facts about me.

2. Answer 11 questions that the tagger gave me.

3. Make 11 questions so the people that I tag have to answer.

4. Tag 11 blogs that are new or have less than 200 followers (Not exactly a rule but I guess you can guesstimate?)

So, 11 random facts about me:

1. I love to read dystopian novels.

2. I write in my free time and post my stories on a website called Wattpad.

3. When I was 6, I used to play under a chair and pretend that was my house o-o (please don’t ask why)

4. On one occasion whilst playing in my ‘house’, my mum was calling me and I got up immediately making me hit my chin on the wooden bit on the chair. Ended up in hospital and a mark for life to remember the occasion by.

5. When I was 7, my cousin came around and we were at the top of the stairs. She wanted me to carry her down and I was scared of her back then so I carried her and after one step, we tumbled down.

6. I always used to draw all over my legs when I was younger.

7. Maths is my mortal enemy.

8. I adore Disney films.

9. Backstreet Boys and Westlife are my guilty pleasures.

10. I over think things.

11. Four is my favourite number.

Tagger’s Questions:

1. What is your most embarrassing moment?

I had an exam in college and I was walking with my friends and I suddenly tripped over, with everyone just staring at me. A few minutes before the exam, not so good. My face was burning with embarrassment!

2. What’s your favourite topic to blog about?

Well, I guess it’ll have to be the shennanigans my brother gets up to because at the end of the day, he is just a typical 5 year old, despite him having autism.

3. Do your friends, family or work colleagues know about your blog?

Only my family.

4. What are you currently reading?

Divergent by Veronica Roth.

5. What are your aspirations for your blog?

Well ideally, I want to create a sort of community so other people would be able to share their experiences and contribute 🙂

6. What was your first gig?

Gig? As in opportunity or gig as in concert? First concert? Haven’t been to one yet D:

7. What would your dream job be?

Speech and Language Therapist, Journalist/Writer, Author, Publishing?

8. Do you have a guilty pleasure?

YES! Backstreet Boys and Westlife! Oh and I should add NSYNC to the list.

9. What is your biggest regret in life?

Pretending to be someone I’m not.

10. What do you deem to be the biggest success in life?

I don’t know really because I’ve only lived 18 years so not sure! Maybe…

11. What is your favourite film?

The Avengers 🙂

New Questions:

1. What advice would your give to your younger self?

2. Other than your dream job, what would be your alternative?

3. What your favourite meal/food?

4. Any fears?

5. If the world were to end tomorrow, how would you spend your final moments?

6. Best school/college/uni memory?

7. Do you have a secret/freaky skill/trick? If so, what is it?

8. What’s your favourite drink?

9. Best childhood memory?

10. What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I say “blogger”?

11. If you had the opportunity to produce and make a film based on a book, which book would it be and who would you cast as the main character?

11 Bloggers I’m tagging and why:

1. AutisticallyBeautiful

A mother of an a daughter with autism who shares her experiences and thoughts- ones which I find very interesting!

2. AutismAndOughtisms

A mother and her take on parenting and Autism. Very informative and thought provoking 🙂

3. thatawkwardkid93

A personal look on life from someone on the spectrum!

4. LifeAtMyHouse

This blog has a great sense of humor! And awesome stories 🙂

5. AspieWarrior

Outlooks on life from a 46 year old father with Aspergers.

6. AutisticAndAwesome

A really quirky and fantastically awesome blog!

7. storiesofayoungvolunteer

She’s great, and she’s awesome. And her blog is filled with voluntary wisdom!

8. sparklyandslimming

A very motivational weightloss blog from a very inspiring lady!

9. emmashopebook

Blog written by two parents about their day to day experiences with Autism- This blog constantly brings a smile to my face. Definitely a HOPE blog!

10. capturingautism

A mothers inspirational take on autism, definitely a blog to check out!

11. aspertyical

I know she tagged me but I just have to include her! I really really love her blog, and her perspective on things 🙂